NO post today :(

Unfortunately I cant post today because I have an exam tommorow o I'm not done studying.... inshalla I'll be posting a long one tommorow or the day after!
;*

A Mistake (20)

This one's dedicated to RR ;*

ادري انــــــــــك مـــــن نــصـــــيــــبــي بـل أحــلام وادري انــــــك لــغــيــري لا بــــغـــيت الـــحــقـــيــــــــــــــقه

Deep down I always knew that I would never belong to him but I kept convincing myself that there might be a chance a simple one or there even might be some hope....

3azeez never asked to talk to me on the phone gabil hal mara I think he was being considerate or is it because he knew that I would'nt approve of it well Im not really sure

3azeez: '3alooya

'3alya: 3yoonhaa

3azeez: tslamleee hal 3yoon

'3alya: :$

3azeez: abee as2lich

'3alya: is2al?

3azeez: lay mita bintim chthee?

That's the question that I've been avoiding all the time

'3alya: 3ala shno mafahamt?

3azeez: ya3nii lay mita bintim nitkalam 3al msn

'3alya: madree 3azeez ya3ni inta tadre ina min ilbidaya ana giltlik ina magdar akthar min chthee hatha 7adii mara7 afeeedik ib shay
- o anaa adree ina inta malayt witha matabee tkalmnee anymore ana ra7 atfaham ilmaw'6oo3

I know that what I said hurts but I cant give him more mabee yit2amal o bil nihaya adgira

3azeez: hah '3alooy sh.hal kalam bas la2na mino il7een yd5al msn! tara walla aana mad5al ilaa 3ashanich wila hal sowalif moo malat nas ib 3omerna wallaa tara i7na mo yahal

'3alya: adree ina i7na moo yahal o 3az alla shanik bas wallaa magdar wallaaaa

3azeez: 5ala9 3ala ra7tich ana bas kint bashoof yimkin t'3ayren rayich lana wala this is not fair Im doing all this for you wintay moo ga3da ta36eene wala shay bil mogabil

'3alya: 7aram 3alayk Im sacrificing everything just to talk to you winta tgol inee moo ga3da a36eek shay bil mo8abil!

3azeez: inzain 3ayal warene shaklich!

'3alya: 3azeez shfeek???

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM! kilmaraaa iysawee chtheee lama i give up o eventually do

3azeez: matgdreen tkalmeene bil phone o matabeenee ashofich bil9ij dzeelee 9ortich

'3alya: im sorry bas no

3azeez: shftay agoolich maga3da ta36ene shay bil mo8abil

When he does this he makes me feel bad about myself and he makes me seem unfair.... ilmoshkila inee ga3da a36ee akther minilazimm bas I always fall for what he's saying o I bil nihaya asawee ileee ohwa yabee

'3alya: 5ala9 okay bas 1 pic

3azeez: okkkkk :D basss abeeha wa'67a

'3alya: ok!

I picked one of the blurry pictures so that he wont really recognize my face
بسم الله الذي لا يضر مع اسمه شيء في الأرض ولا في السماء وهو السميع العليم

I kept repeating that in my head and pressed on the send button

A Mistake (19)

يا حظ قلبي يوم يلقاك ادعي الهي لي يخليك

All I could think of is SHIT he found out he found out he found

I went running to my brother ashwana ohwa ilee a9'3ar minee fa he doesn't mind if I took his phone

"Saloom pleaaaseee give me your phone digeega" I was pleeding

"ni6raay 5alashoof wa7id msaweelee add o ga3d iysolif ma3inee ma3arfa" he replyed confused

I freaked out "MINO SHNOO SHGAAL WINTA SHGILT???"

"hah shfeech yanaytay"

'eeeee yalla gooolleeeee'

' sa2alnee hatha mino mobila o giltla ina malee o galee inzain o kan mala chan agola ina mal 7maid o5ooy.... 7ataa galeee oh a3arfaaa hathaa iy9eer rfeeej o5ooy'

I'm busted o ba3ad iy3arif o5oooy ri77tt feeeehhaaaaaa

" delete him"

"lesh masken masawale shay!"

" delete ishlik brabi3 7amood yalla delete"

" mara7 asaweela delete ilwalad ma'6arneee"

I grabbed the phone from his hand and deleted 3azeez quickly

" Shfeech intaaay mooo 9a7yaaa"

"shtabeee feeee waiii3 kilman hab o dab tsaweela add mooo 7ilwaa saloom"

I couldn't think of anything better to tell him

" hmmm 3adil kalamich"

I left sulaimans room and went back to mine.. tithakart inaaa layl7eeen maradayt 3ala 3azeez I kept thinking of a reply and the only thing that I came up with is that I should deny and act normal

ابيك وما ابيهم: hallaa 3azeez laaa a3tigid iniiik '3al6an la2na my phone is still with me o no one is using it yimkin you got mixed up with someone else

Abdulaziz Al x: wallaa bay3ita intay?

ابيك وما ابيهم: laa 3omree mabi3t telephone :p

Abudaziz Al x: '3areeba wallaa

ابيك وما ابيهم : eee 7adaa 7ataa anaa sta'3rabt :s

I think he bought it il7imdilla alla sitar 3alaaay

But the worse is yet to come

A Mistake (18)

I know it has been forever since I last posted I wanted to continue the story but I had alot of things going on


I hope that by the end of this month I can end it and then go back to finishing the end of the road I hope that you're still interested


Im sorry again and here goes a long post





أصبر ياقلبي وانتظر خل الحزن مكتوم
كل المعاني تغيرت واتضحت الصوره
صار الصدق في هالزمن مثل الوفا معدوم
ونفوسنا تجرحت والفرحه مكسوره
كل المبدىء تنشرى واللي معاه يسوم
حتى المشاعر ارخصت والكلمه مهدوره

3azeez and I have never been this close it's insane talking to him was a must!!! If I don't then he knows that something must be wrong.

I've never been this happy my whole life even though it was just msn I knew that he cared about me!

Every time he talks to me I have this wide goofy smile on my face and my knees get numb that I cant stand up for a long time and I get this weird feeling in my stomache you know the feeling that ur deeply and madly in love?

I've abandoned everyone... everytime I go to our usual thursday gathering my focus is only on the phone and nothing but the phone my aunts and grandmother iyg6oon na'3zat bas wain ilee ysma3....

Whenever I'm out with my friends they keep on complaining because I dont pay them any attention
The problem is that its not just me 7ata 3azeez! ohwa magam iy7ib y6la3 o kilaa mjablnee wiysowlif ma3ay I cant help it

I know what I'm saying is nonsense because ana bas ga3da akalma 3al msn and to many people msn relationships don't count because its just a fling but to us it wasn't anything like that we were dead serious

I fell for this guy even though I regret it sometimes because I know that I'll end up hurting him and hurting myself but I just cant get enough of him

kil yom ykbar ib 3aini akthat min ilee gabla
He got to know me even more lately the only thing that I cant tell him is my name! I don't know why bas manee gadra agoola isme...

shay ib 3agle ga3d iygole latgolenla ya 3thob tara bt7asifayn o shay ib galbe iygole goolela tara mayistahil inich itchathbeen 3alayh

This time I followed my mind and not my heart lets see where would it lead me

I was up at night talking to zeez and lets see what happened

'3alia: laa yal na7eeees wallaa inta tadree inee magdar ashoofik

3azeez: eee lesh ana abeech ti8ni3eenee

'3alia: la2na anaa kila a6la3 wiya omee o shlown ashofik itha ana ma3aha

3azeez: shda3wa '3alooy ana shbasawee bas bashofich o bamshee manee maklich

'3alia: inshalla babe ashoof itha gdart wagoolik :*

3azeez: 7ayaty intaay inzain add me on bbm

shfeeeh ilyoom madreee laysh m3alig ilaaa yabeee asawee shay that he knows I cant do

'3alia: 3azzeeezaan ana shnoo gilt gabil magdar

3azeez: shnoo intay kil magiltlich shay tgolenle magdar yala add mee
-pin:*******

'3alia: 3azeez please walla magar law 5wanee wila omee iyshofonk tadre shiy9eer feenee

3azeez: lock your phone o change my name save me as nora 3aysha ay shay bas akoon 3indich o ana mara7 a7i6 9waree tara walla ma9a5naha o gazarnaha 3ala hal msn ma9arraat '3alooy

'3alia: inzain shlfarg bain msn o bbm mala da333ee ya3nii thnaynhom nafs ilshay

3azeez: laa '3aiir bbm agdar a7a9lich 6ol ilwagt moo nafs msn wayed t9eren offline yalla 3ad latrideenee

Madre laysh bas I was hesitant I had a very bad feeling about this bas I decided to not let him down once again

'3alia: okk 3ashanik bas

3azeez: 7aaaaaaaaaaayyyyaaaattyyyy intaaay yallaa na6er

'3alia: hehehehe okkk waiit

I had to change my bbm name 3ashan maystaw3ib...I changed it into a song adree halaga bas shasawee '3aliaa o 3ithoob were very different 7ata law ba7i6 nickname my friends and family byshikoon bilwa'63
I even removed my dp so that he couldnt get any idea about who I really am
My hands were shaking the whole time that I was typing his name chna eedee ga3da tgoolee latsaweenla add ya 3thoob taraa bt7asifayn bas samayt bilra7man o ta3awtht min iblees o I added him
He was the firt guy that I have added to bbm '3air 5wane o my cousins 6ab3an I always had this rule ina bbm was to be private and to the people that are really close and for now 3azeez is like the closest person to me fa ohwa kisar 8a3idat ina makoo shabab ib bbm

invite contact
invite by sending a PIN or email messages
to: *******
request sent

I checked my recent updates and
Abulaziz Al x is a new contact has appeared

Abdulaziz Al x: hallaaa o '3allaaa taww manawarr ba7laaa o a'3laaa '3alooyaa

ابيك وما ابيهم: mnaaweer feeek yal '3alyy

Abdulaziz Al x: ya3niii ana '3alyy?

ابيك وما ابيهم: o min '3airiik '3alyy

Abdulaziz Al x: laaa intaaay chthee btithbi7eenee

ابيك وما ابيهم: smilaa 3alaykkk 5alaa9 magoolik chthee 3ayal

Abdulaziz Al x: laaa goolaaay gooolaaay a7laaa thab7aa hatheee

ابيك وما ابيهم: hehehehehe :$

We forgot about msn and we turned to bbm,
but the only problem was that bbm was even more distracting than msn

a month has passed and I talked to 3azeez on bbm bas faj2a my blackberry 5tarab o i decided to move to an iphone magdart amsa7 3azeez cuz kan lazim asawee format 7ag il blackberry bas radayt 3ala msn o ohwa tifaham ilmaw'6oo3

madree sh6aree 3layh bas o5ooy sa2lnee itha my BB works o giltla ina faj2a 5tarab 3alay o gal ohwa biysaweela format o ya5tha 7aga
I didnt mind because he had to format it so all the contacts will get deleted o ana mt2akda ina mara7 y6la3la 3azeez again because ana gayla 7ag 3azeez ina mobili 5tarab o chthee

after a few weeks

3azeez: '3alooooooyyy

'3alya: halaa 3azeezan

3azeez: ana bas2lich your blackberry intay m'3ayrta?

'3alya: la mast5dma ana m7awla iphone laysh?

3azeez: la2na tawnee kint da bc o 6ala3lee ur name o itha you want to re-invite so I did o 6ala3lee wa7id ga3d iykalmneee isma Sulaiman Alx t3arfeeenaa

SHHHIITTTTT!!!!!!!!!!

A Mistake (17)

3azeez: titzawijaynee?

my stomache started to ache I felt nautious my hands were shaking I was shocked! I never expected him to even bring up this topic ya3nii what would I tell him I've been lying to him the whole time!!!

'3alia: 3azeeez it's too soon mosta7eel my parents would let me get married at this age bas inshalla in the future laysh la2

3azeez: inshallaaa I cant waiiiit

3azeez came from a very different background than I did, He was from an average family while I was froom a good well known wealthy family, In my families point of view there is no way that I would marry him from the difference of the family names. ana moo ga3da agool ina fee farg o i hope ina matwa5thoonee bas feee farg bil 3awayil o hal ashya2 ma3ina ana mashoof lah da3ee cuz we're all humans o mafee farg bain ilnas bas ana mit2akda malyown bil imya ina ahaleee would not approve of him.

'3alia: :$

3azeez: o inyeeeeb yahaal yishbihooonich chthee 7ilweeen

'3alia: wishdaraaak ineee 7ilwaa yimkin akoon jaikaraaa!

3azeez: laaa laa ana mit2akid inich 7ilwaaaa

'3alia: baaas taraaa ga3daa asti7eeeee :$:$:$

3azeez: ya7ilooo ileee ysti7oon wallaaaa

'3alia: 3azeeezaan abeeeee bint o5ook yeebleeee iyahaaa

3azeez: ana wiyach nyeeb nafs,ha o a7laa minhaa

'3alia: laaa aanaa abee il7een a5th.haa dig 3ala o5oook o gooola ineee abeeha

3azeez: laaa adig hal 7aza may9eer!

'3alia: haw laysh may9eer 3adii o5ook

3azeez: laa ohwaaa mitzawij o matadreen hal 7aza my9eer adig

'3alia: :s madree shno ya3nii 3adii

3azeez: ya3nii hal 7azaa ohwa o mortaa iysawoon ashya2 t3arfeen what married couples doo!

I felt sooo stupid makinttt fahmaa o lamaa galeee 7asayt naffsee '3abiyaaa!

'3alia: bas now ilfayer!

3azeez: eeee 3adii kayfhom ay wagt 7ata il9ib7 itha yaboon kayfhom!

'3alia: olaa shnoo il9b777

3azeez: eee ya3nii ana wiyaach when we get married il9ib7 il'6her il3a9er bilayl 6oool ilwagttt

That was unexpected 7adiii ista7aytttt ya3nii matwa8a3t ina we'd be discussing this subject

'3alia: olaaaa olaaaaa olaaaa laaa:$

3azeez: imbalaa mortee o kayfeeeeeee

'3aliaa: o ham anaaa kayfeeee

3azeez: laaa moo kayfiichhh mitaa ma abee we'll doo itt

'3alia: okkk okkk kayffik bas plzz let's colseee the subject tara ast7ee atkalam 3an hal ashya2!

3azeez: walla I love how inoccent you are :*

'3alia: :$

3azeez: yallaa bass namaay 7abeebti bacher ra7 tit3ibeen

'3alia: 5ala9 inshalla t9ba7 3ala 5air :*

3azeez: wintay min ahlaaa :*

....................................................

a random convo I have with 3azeez saved on my phonee that I really love

I love calling him 3abdil3azeez bas ohwa may7ib iy7is inaaa lazim akoon serious wila m3a9ba 3ashan I call him that name walla iy'6a7ik

'3alia: yalla annaa laziiim anaaaam il7een cuzz wayyyeed t2a5ar ilwagt ooo adree mat7ib I call you 3abdil3azeez bas 7iloo walla a7laa min 3azeez fa think about it :p

3azeez: LOOOOOOOOL okk 7abeebtii ;**

'3alia: tadre ina awal mara tgole 7abeebti :$

3azeez: 9ijjjj?

'3alia: ee :$

3azeez: you like it?

'3alia: yup :$

3azeez: ok 7abebti

'3alia; hehehehe yalla ti9ba7 3ala 5air

3azeez: wenty min ahla 7bibti ;*******
-ba5aleech tizhigeen minha ;p

'3alia: looooooool matwa8a3 azhaag :$

3azeez: LOOOOOOOL
-yalla 7bibti namay warach ga3da ;*

'3alia: yalla bas ush 5alnee anaaam

3azeez: ok 7bibti ;****************

....................................

A Mistake (16)

I was pissed with him, He should'nt do this to me ya3nii ana I don't deserve to be treated this way.

One day 8arar iykalmneee 3ogob maybe 1 month or yimkin akthar he decided ina iykalmnee ib kayfa chthee 8arar

3azeez: hii

I ignored ga3da 3ala a39abee abbee I reply 3alayh bas mabee abee iy7is how it feels to be waiting for someone forever after 2 hours I replied

'3alia: hi

3azeez: ola tawich trideen

'3alia: e mobili makan yamii

3azeez: oh ok shlownich babe?

bas 5ala9 ana hneee wi9alt 7adiii iysawee nafsaa china wala shay 9ayeer as if everything's fine

'3alia: babe?

3azeez: ee layshh

'3alia: il7een ana 9irt your babe! wainik 3anee min sbo3 sbo3ayn wila shahar?

3azeez: omee wala 6a7at 3alayna maree'6a o mjabilha

I felt soo bad but at the same I felt that he was lying... 2 mins gabil laynam wila awal ma he wakes up wont effect him itha bas galii hi aw sa2alnee shlownich. A month is too much I was hurt and he didn't care. yabee iyeey barda imbarida chthee iykalmne china ana ma3ndee ay i7sas.

'3alia: matshoofon shar inshalla o alla iygawimha likom bil salama o wala ya7rimkm minha

abee kint a6la3 bil zaina o you guys want the truth I really missed him ya3nii galbee kan iy3awrnee min kither ma I missed him. I know you think I'm exaggerating but I cried thinking that he doesn't want me anymore that I was just like any other girl that he would talk to and throw her down the drain. I'm not that kind of girl and I will never be.

3azeezan: il shar mayech o ameen maga9rtay o walla I'm sorry it's all my fault inee masa2alt 3anich sam7eenee

'3alia: 3azeez digeegtayn mara7 iy2athroon 3alayk law bas tgoolee hi mo ila tsowlif ma3ay bas mat3alignee chthee madree shilsafa wala adree wainik wila shfeek

3azeez: I know Im sorry walla I am

I let it pass I was just tired and I wasn't in the mood for arguening anymore.

'3alia: lat3eedha plzz

3azeez: inshalla ma3eedha

We went back to normal after that conversation that we had.

Everyday he would make me send him a voice note singing to him I didn't like it but it made him happy and I wanted him to be happy.

One night we were chatting and I don't know what made brought up the conversation but he asked me this

3azeez: '3alooya

'3alia: halaa

3azeez: t7ibeenee?

'3alia: you know I do

3azeez: gooleeha leee

'3alia: laaa mabee :$

3azeez: alla iy5aleech 3ashanee goleelee bas hal mara

My face was turning to the darkest shade of red and my palms were sweating even though it was a simple question and I was all alone in my room I was too shy to tell him that I loved him ma3ina it was simple the first time...

'3alia: :$

3azeez: yallaa 7ayatyyy

'3alia: ee

3azeez: ee shnoo? gooleeha yalla

'3alia: eee a7ibik :$

3azeez: a55555aaiiiiiihhhhh 3aalaychh wana amoot feech

hearing that from his was the best thing everrr

3azeez: inzaiin '3alooya

'3alia: ameerneee

3azzeez: titzawijaynee?

A Mistake (15)

Dedicated to each and every person that commented thank u ;**

I sang to him the whole birthday song
'3alia: "happy birthday too youuu happy birthdaaay too youuu happyy birthdaaay tooo 3azeezaaan happy biirtthdaaaay tooo youuuu kil 3am winta ib alf 5aiir o 3ogbal il 1000000 sina ya rab o enjooy itt lovee youu "

Yes! I told him that I've loved him for the first time since I knew him I told him that I loved him I guess its the perfect timing to do so since I have felt this way towards him

Yalla its 12 I should send it

Ok sent :D

Once he heard it he replyed

3azeez: thankkk youu zayoonaaa 7ayatyy wallaa maga9artaay o mashallaaa 9owtichh iyaniiin

'3alia: hehehe i3jibak il voice note?

3azeez: 7adaa walla that made my dayy

'3alia: hehehehe zaiin ashwaa :**

3azeez: eee o ta3alaaay hathee awal mara tgooleelee I love u :$

'3alia: eee adree :$

3azeez: ya3nii you do?

'3alia: eee akeed I do

3azeez: waaaaaaaay '3alooooyyyyyyyy matadreeeeee shkitheer anaaa mistaniiissss il7eeeeeeen

'3alia: hehehehehe inshallaaa dooooom

3azeez: gooleelee a7ibik

'3alia: laaa maneee gaylaa :$

3azeez: yallaaa 3ad goolaaay

'3alia: laaaa a9laan hal kilma mara7 tsma3haa ilaaa min fatra lay fatraa

3azeez: shda3wwaaaa

'3alia: wallaa ana moo mt3awda inee agolha fa asti7ee wayed o ilyowm I told you la2naa its ur birthday o I wanted it to be special :$

3azeez: fedaiitich wallaaa 7aayatyy intay maga9artaay :***

'3alia: :$

Days past by o everything was going perfectly fine laman he changed again! Faj2aaa ta'3ayar magam iykalmnee o kila ya7girneee o makoo any contact wiyaa....