Monday, July 16, 2012

A Mistake (22)

The conversations with 3azeez were not the same anymore! China mag9oob iykalmne and I hated it! Ever since I told him my name he never called me by the name! I guess it takes time for him to get used to it! And I'm willing to give him all the time he needs. 3thoob: 3azeez? 3azeez: Hala? 3ithoob: ya3nii lay mta bitim Chthy? Ly mta wana batm ark'6 warak! 3azeez: '3aloooy wala mako shay bas lowyat ildawam! That was it! Once he called me '3alya I felt like a ticking bomb and it was time for me to explode! 3ithoob: shno ismeee? 3azeez: oh sorry walla layl7en mat3awdt 3al ism! 3ithoob: it's been 2 months o layl7een mat3awadt! 2 months winta wala Mara and nadaytny ib ismee! 3azeez anaa ta3abt wallaaa ta3abt ya3nii Ana machathabt ila 3al ism you have to get over it 5ala9! I said everything that was on my mind I couldnt handle shutting up anymore he has to know that he's exaggerating! 3azeez: it's not about the name! 3ithoob: what is it about 3ayal! 3azeez: it's about the trust! Ya3nii m3goola tawch tathigeen feene? 6ol Hal moda wintry t3arfeen 3an kil tafa9eelee wana ma3arf 7ata ismich! Shya'6minlee inch machathabtay 3alay 3an ashya2 thanya! 3ithoob: wala it's not about trust! Law I dont trust chan masshftny lel7en m3ak! I know you have a point bas wala everything you know about me is true! 3azeez: if you trust then give me your phone number! Yaaaaaa alllaaaaahh!!!! Il7eeen shlown wiyah! I can't say no! I gave up! Just by a couple of words from him I gave up.. T3arfoon lama ygolon ga9aw 3alayha ib kilish Hatha kan wa'63y ga9 3alay ib kilmitain o Ana Mthil ilmaynoona 6i3t kalamaa! 3ithoob: ok ######## now t2akadt Ina I trust you! Once i pressed on enter my phone started ringing And a unfamiliar number was calling! I knew it was him so I ignored I was too nervous to answer 1 missed call 3azeez: shfech matrden Ana Ilee ga3d adig 3ithoob: adreee bas ma3arf shagool He called again so I decided to reply "alo" came his manly heart melting voice I couldn't reply my throat was so dry that no words could escape my mouth "hahahahaha shfech matrden " I kept quite! His voice was breathtaking it was so deep I would be satisfied by just listening to him without talking "hah 3thoob akakim nafsee Ana!" " la" was all I could say with my shaky low voice "3ayal shfech sakta" " ma3indee shay agoola" "9owtich 7ilo tadreen" I hung up! I couldn't take it anymore his voice is just killing me and I was too nervous to even talk! He called again but I pressed on the red button to decline the call! 3azeez: shfech! 3ithoob: Magdr atkalm :$ 3azeez: lay Hal daraja 9otey iy2ther feech! 3ithoob: 3an ilthiga baba :p I think that was the only appropriate phone call we had! It was either me calling and he would come up with excuses so that he'd hang up and continue with whatever he was doing! He never called again unless I asked him to! It was as if I'm nothing to him anymore.

Friday, July 13, 2012

A Mistake (21)

I know it's been forever since I last posted and I doubt that anyone is reading but I need to end this story because I'm taking forever to write it! Every detail of this story is true except for the names off coarse it's not my own story but it's a story of someone that I know. Mabeee a6awil akthr mn chthy so enjoy ;* I sent the picture to azeez while my heart was pounding and my palms were sweating! I know that it wasn't the right thing to do but I couldn't handle all the nagging I gave up fast and that's killing me! I can't be giving him everything he asks for it just won't work i'll end up screwed! 3azeez: mo mn9jch '3aloooy kilish moo wa'67a! '3alia: olaaaa 3azeeez kil hathy o mo wa'67a shno adz akthr mn chthee! Lat5alene at7asaf inee dazaytlik! 3azez: 5al9 yoba ya kalma o rdaay mkanch! Again 3adat 3alayh! Bs lay mta, lay mtaaa o a ana batm achathib 3alayh o I keep hiding my identity akeed byey yom o bymil O f3lan that day has came! I felt so guilty I couldn't handle all the bullshit that I was telling him! without even asking me I decided to come clean! And that's when everything kept going downhill in our relationship! I had a feeling deep down that later on i'll regret telling him and that he'll hate me for lying but I just couldn't take it anymore. It was around midnight, I was in my cold bed over thinking what I'm about to do when my fingers started typing on my phones keyboard unconsciously '3alia: 3azeeez! There's something that you need to know! 3azeez: shno? '3alia: you have to promise me that you won't get upset 3azeez: bsmila shfech tra 5ba9teenee!!!! '3alia: you have to promise me first! 3azeez: I promise bs yala t7achay! '3alia: I've lied to you about my name! He stayed quite and I got worried '3alia: 3azeez? 3azeez: knt 7as o mtwa83 min gilteelee matabeene ashofch wlaa ashoof 9warich twa8a3t! '3alia: I'm sorry wala matit9war shkther 6ol ilmoda wana I feel guilty w9alt lay mr7la ily 5ala9 I couldn't take it anymore! 3azeez: 3ayal shno ismichh? '3alia: 3ithoob! 3azeez: 3ithoob? But I fell in love with '3alia! 7abayt kil shay feech 59oo9an ismichh shlon agdar astw3ib Ina Hatha moo ismich! Magdr wala shay maydish il3agil! I started crying! My heart ached for the fact that he loved every detail about me and Im about to give up on him. I cried for the fact that I'm wasting my time and heart over a guy that I know i'll never be with! I cried that after all this time I'm revealing the true me when I tend to know that this relationship is soon coming to an end! I cried for the selfish, self centered, naive person that Ive become! I cried for misleading the poor guy! I cried for the situation that I put myself in! I cried for hurting him and hurting myself! I cried for everything!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

NO post today :(

Unfortunately I cant post today because I have an exam tommorow o I'm not done studying.... inshalla I'll be posting a long one tommorow or the day after!

Friday, January 6, 2012

A Mistake (20)

This one's dedicated to RR ;*

ادري انــــــــــك مـــــن نــصـــــيــــبــي بـل أحــلام وادري انــــــك لــغــيــري لا بــــغـــيت الـــحــقـــيــــــــــــــقه

Deep down I always knew that I would never belong to him but I kept convincing myself that there might be a chance a simple one or there even might be some hope....

3azeez never asked to talk to me on the phone gabil hal mara I think he was being considerate or is it because he knew that I would'nt approve of it well Im not really sure

3azeez: '3alooya

'3alya: 3yoonhaa

3azeez: tslamleee hal 3yoon

'3alya: :$

3azeez: abee as2lich

'3alya: is2al?

3azeez: lay mita bintim chthee?

That's the question that I've been avoiding all the time

'3alya: 3ala shno mafahamt?

3azeez: ya3nii lay mita bintim nitkalam 3al msn

'3alya: madree 3azeez ya3ni inta tadre ina min ilbidaya ana giltlik ina magdar akthar min chthee hatha 7adii mara7 afeeedik ib shay
- o anaa adree ina inta malayt witha matabee tkalmnee anymore ana ra7 atfaham ilmaw'6oo3

I know that what I said hurts but I cant give him more mabee yit2amal o bil nihaya adgira

3azeez: hah '3alooy sh.hal kalam bas la2na mino il7een yd5al msn! tara walla aana mad5al ilaa 3ashanich wila hal sowalif moo malat nas ib 3omerna wallaa tara i7na mo yahal

'3alya: adree ina i7na moo yahal o 3az alla shanik bas wallaa magdar wallaaaa

3azeez: 5ala9 3ala ra7tich ana bas kint bashoof yimkin t'3ayren rayich lana wala this is not fair Im doing all this for you wintay moo ga3da ta36eene wala shay bil mogabil

'3alya: 7aram 3alayk Im sacrificing everything just to talk to you winta tgol inee moo ga3da a36eek shay bil mo8abil!

3azeez: inzain 3ayal warene shaklich!

'3alya: 3azeez shfeek???

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM! kilmaraaa iysawee chtheee lama i give up o eventually do

3azeez: matgdreen tkalmeene bil phone o matabeenee ashofich bil9ij dzeelee 9ortich

'3alya: im sorry bas no

3azeez: shftay agoolich maga3da ta36ene shay bil mo8abil

When he does this he makes me feel bad about myself and he makes me seem unfair.... ilmoshkila inee ga3da a36ee akther minilazimm bas I always fall for what he's saying o I bil nihaya asawee ileee ohwa yabee

'3alya: 5ala9 okay bas 1 pic

3azeez: okkkkk :D basss abeeha wa'67a

'3alya: ok!

I picked one of the blurry pictures so that he wont really recognize my face
بسم الله الذي لا يضر مع اسمه شيء في الأرض ولا في السماء وهو السميع العليم

I kept repeating that in my head and pressed on the send button