A Mistake (24)

لو كنت أستطييع آنْ لآ أحْبـك ,لفعلتْ

His Birthday was coming up there is no way to wish him a happy birthday unless I call him, So it was 20/9 and aziz's birthday is on the 21st, I waited till the clock strinked 12 and called him immdiatly
I called once
twice
three times
And all I could hear was the machine repeating the same words that "the mobile is switched off or is out of the coverage area"
Now what? his bb was off as well so he couldn't receive anything on bbm or whatsapp. I got so frustrated how could he keep his phone shut the whole time he's there.
He would've atleast get an english sim card and connect the bbm, but who am I to tell him.
I decided to send him a whatsapp maybe he'll just connect his phone to the wifi

 تمنيت أكون أول من يهنيك
وأكون فهاليوم منك قريب بس شاءت
الأقداروكل واحد منافطريق
مدري من السبب أنا ولاّ إنت بس اللي أعرفه
كل واحد منا عن الثاني بعيد
حبيبي أنامانسيت وبهاليوم الشمع ضويت
ولما جا الوقت طيفك هنيت
كل عام وانت بخيرترى والله لك حنيت

الله يحفظك ياأغلى من حبيت

whatsapp:

kil 3am winta ib alf 5air ya a'3la aziz bil dinya 3ogbal il 10000 sina inshala o tkon hal sina sinat 5air o sa3ada o ayamik kilha fara7 mithil ma inta 5air 3alay 7awalt ati9il bas your phone is off all I can do is send you this ma3ina shwaya 3alayk bas shasawee mabede shay I hope your having fun and happy birthday 7ayaty, and just to let you know that I miss u :(

oo أَحبك لـو كل الَنَاسْ عـارضـونِــــي

-sent

There was no response from Aziz, Even though he read it, he didnt reply in other words aziz ignored me when I wished him all the best! I gave up on him i"m giving him my all and he's not willing to give me a couple of minutes from his time. How come he doesnt misss me when all I do is miss him? ma akser 5a6ra 7ata? ma3goola akoo nas yt'3ayirown chthee?  

أكثر مآ يؤلمني هو آنك تعلم أني كل ما آكتبه يقصدك وآنت مآزلت تقرأ ﺑصمت

Days passed by so slowly I couldn't wait till he gets back here so that I get things cleared up with up. I am fed up this time I am not backing out I have to confront him! atleast I could move on I just need an answer to whats going on!

غيابك حكايه تُحزن اوقاتيَ ..

A Mistake (23)

I know that I'm not a good blogger and it takes me forever to post but things keep coming up that distract me from the blog. madree itha  layl7en feee nas tgra my blog, bas this to all of you waiting enjoy ;*

لا تعشمني بَ حبك ثم تروح يا تجيني عمر ولا لا تجي.. ما ٱخاف أعيش من بعدك جروح بس ٱخاف أحب غيرك ثم تجي

As I mentioned before things with 3azeez kept getting worse over time and I kept hanging on to him. He was the first guy that I fall in love with. I was so attached to him that the thought of losing him just breaks my heart! He used to be so good to me and I don't really know what happened? Is it possible that he replaced me with someone else? A girl that would keep her man satisfied and happy. I was never going to give him more than what he got because I'm better than this! t3arfooon laama 6ol 3omrkom masken roo7kom min inkom t7iboon witkalmoom o lama tyeen t7beenlich wa7id '6ameerich dayman iy2anbich and your pride keeps you from doing many things that other girls are willing to do?

That was how i felt back then I was hopeless I couldn't do anything about it because I cant mention this to anyone or Id be dead by now! I was young, stupid, and confused. I had no one to guide me and tell me that what I was doing is just meaningless. Iwanted to take and a risk and confront him about the way I felt which to be honest is miserable, I was sad and depressed most of the time unlike other girls who were insanely happy and madly inlove.

outgoing call: A
it kept ringing and ringing and he didn't pick up, typical

my phone buzzed indicating that I have received an sms
from: A
wya ilrb3 shfech

reply:
Awal matf'6a call me

I waited till midnight, he hasn't called so I drifted to sleep, at around 4am my phone was vibrating nonstop I knew that someone was calling so I instantly pressed on the green button

me: alo (I was so tired my voice could be barely heard)
Aziz: asif 7ayaty ga3adtich
that was it! hearing his voice got me stuttering it was so deep and sexy I missed it
أبسط أسباب السّعاده صوت من تحب
me: umm la 3adii bs mnsd7a ta3bt
Aziz: shfech oboii intay shile mt3bch laykon ana? tara ayech 6ayer il7en
me: aziiiiz 3an ilshi6ana!
Aziz: intay ilee m5ch ray7 feha wila ana bare2 maglt shay
me: hehehehe inzain ya obo ilbara2a inta
Aziz: magiltele shfech 7abebte 5ar3tene 3lych
me: ahhhh la 7abebe mafene shay bas walaht 3alayk
Stupid! I was so Stupid! I gave up so easily
Aziz: ma7ad galch sotch shay ma9ar wntay tawch g3da mn ilnom
and off he went with the flirting and the sweet talk. He was so good at making me forget. a7la wagt wiya lma kint aklma 3l phone 7ta law mara bil sna bs hal mara t3aw'6ne 3an ilayam ile ra7aw kilaha iy7asisne chna mako bl dnya '3air 3thob o chne a7la ma bil kown o ine amlik ildnya kilaha, bas min a9akr mna il5a6 I start crying so hard I feel bad for myself mahma iysawe arja3 a7iba min yid o ydeed ma9art ya 3aziz wala ma9arat!

Aziz decided to travel with his friends to London during the summer break and I was done with Highschool going on to Uni, I didn't travel that summer because of the things that I had to do with registering and taking placement tests and all.

Aziz talked me into getting bbm back so I did in order for us to improve our relationship he told me that through bbm we could talk to each other 24/7 rather than signing in and out from msn.

At the beginning we were so good we would tallk to each other the whole day like old days, then slowly Aziz started to back off, I might send him a text and he'd reply after 4 or 5 hours not even minutes. It was crazy but I got the hang of it.

It was time for Aziz to leave

3ithoob: Azeez

after and hour,

Aziz: hala?

3ithoob: 7i6 balk 3la nafsk o please 6amne 3laik awl mato9l dont get me worried

Aziz: inshala lat7aten wntay b3d 76y balch 3la 3mrch

3ithoob: inshalla, bil salama inshala
            I love you

Aziz: alla ysalmch

and he ignored the I love you part

هل هو جنون عندما.. اهتم ﻟامرك وانا لا اعرف ماذا ،اعني لك”

I thought to myself that he might me busy with all the packing because he's heading to the airport in an hour.

Aziz: yala 7ytaty ana bil 6yara bye

3ithoob: allla ma3ak bye 7abebe

and off he went he sent me a whatsapp once he arrived to the hotel and that was it 3 weeks have passed without a single phone call or a text asking me if I was doing ok.

His birthday was coming up and I knew that he'd still be in London lets hope I can reach him soon


فمان الله ياقلب خلقه الله عديم احساس.. تعبت اغليه واحبه لكن ماحس فيني

A Mistake (22)

The conversations with 3azeez were not the same anymore! China mag9oob iykalmne and I hated it! Ever since I told him my name he never called me by the name! I guess it takes time for him to get used to it! And I'm willing to give him all the time he needs. 3thoob: 3azeez? 3azeez: Hala? 3ithoob: ya3nii lay mta bitim Chthy? Ly mta wana batm ark'6 warak! 3azeez: '3aloooy wala mako shay bas lowyat ildawam! That was it! Once he called me '3alya I felt like a ticking bomb and it was time for me to explode! 3ithoob: shno ismeee? 3azeez: oh sorry walla layl7en mat3awdt 3al ism! 3ithoob: it's been 2 months o layl7een mat3awadt! 2 months winta wala Mara and nadaytny ib ismee! 3azeez anaa ta3abt wallaaa ta3abt ya3nii Ana machathabt ila 3al ism you have to get over it 5ala9! I said everything that was on my mind I couldnt handle shutting up anymore he has to know that he's exaggerating! 3azeez: it's not about the name! 3ithoob: what is it about 3ayal! 3azeez: it's about the trust! Ya3nii m3goola tawch tathigeen feene? 6ol Hal moda wintry t3arfeen 3an kil tafa9eelee wana ma3arf 7ata ismich! Shya'6minlee inch machathabtay 3alay 3an ashya2 thanya! 3ithoob: wala it's not about trust! Law I dont trust chan masshftny lel7en m3ak! I know you have a point bas wala everything you know about me is true! 3azeez: if you trust then give me your phone number! Yaaaaaa alllaaaaahh!!!! Il7eeen shlown wiyah! I can't say no! I gave up! Just by a couple of words from him I gave up.. T3arfoon lama ygolon ga9aw 3alayha ib kilish Hatha kan wa'63y ga9 3alay ib kilmitain o Ana Mthil ilmaynoona 6i3t kalamaa! 3ithoob: ok ######## now t2akadt Ina I trust you! Once i pressed on enter my phone started ringing And a unfamiliar number was calling! I knew it was him so I ignored I was too nervous to answer 1 missed call 3azeez: shfech matrden Ana Ilee ga3d adig 3ithoob: adreee bas ma3arf shagool He called again so I decided to reply "alo" came his manly heart melting voice I couldn't reply my throat was so dry that no words could escape my mouth "hahahahaha shfech matrden " I kept quite! His voice was breathtaking it was so deep I would be satisfied by just listening to him without talking "hah 3thoob akakim nafsee Ana!" " la" was all I could say with my shaky low voice "3ayal shfech sakta" " ma3indee shay agoola" "9owtich 7ilo tadreen" I hung up! I couldn't take it anymore his voice is just killing me and I was too nervous to even talk! He called again but I pressed on the red button to decline the call! 3azeez: shfech! 3ithoob: Magdr atkalm :$ 3azeez: lay Hal daraja 9otey iy2ther feech! 3ithoob: 3an ilthiga baba :p I think that was the only appropriate phone call we had! It was either me calling and he would come up with excuses so that he'd hang up and continue with whatever he was doing! He never called again unless I asked him to! It was as if I'm nothing to him anymore.

A Mistake (21)

I know it's been forever since I last posted and I doubt that anyone is reading but I need to end this story because I'm taking forever to write it! Every detail of this story is true except for the names off coarse it's not my own story but it's a story of someone that I know. Mabeee a6awil akthr mn chthy so enjoy ;* I sent the picture to azeez while my heart was pounding and my palms were sweating! I know that it wasn't the right thing to do but I couldn't handle all the nagging I gave up fast and that's killing me! I can't be giving him everything he asks for it just won't work i'll end up screwed! 3azeez: mo mn9jch '3aloooy kilish moo wa'67a! '3alia: olaaaa 3azeeez kil hathy o mo wa'67a shno adz akthr mn chthee! Lat5alene at7asaf inee dazaytlik! 3azez: 5al9 yoba ya kalma o rdaay mkanch! Again 3adat 3alayh! Bs lay mta, lay mtaaa o a ana batm achathib 3alayh o I keep hiding my identity akeed byey yom o bymil O f3lan that day has came! I felt so guilty I couldn't handle all the bullshit that I was telling him! without even asking me I decided to come clean! And that's when everything kept going downhill in our relationship! I had a feeling deep down that later on i'll regret telling him and that he'll hate me for lying but I just couldn't take it anymore. It was around midnight, I was in my cold bed over thinking what I'm about to do when my fingers started typing on my phones keyboard unconsciously '3alia: 3azeeez! There's something that you need to know! 3azeez: shno? '3alia: you have to promise me that you won't get upset 3azeez: bsmila shfech tra 5ba9teenee!!!! '3alia: you have to promise me first! 3azeez: I promise bs yala t7achay! '3alia: I've lied to you about my name! He stayed quite and I got worried '3alia: 3azeez? 3azeez: knt 7as o mtwa83 min gilteelee matabeene ashofch wlaa ashoof 9warich twa8a3t! '3alia: I'm sorry wala matit9war shkther 6ol ilmoda wana I feel guilty w9alt lay mr7la ily 5ala9 I couldn't take it anymore! 3azeez: 3ayal shno ismichh? '3alia: 3ithoob! 3azeez: 3ithoob? But I fell in love with '3alia! 7abayt kil shay feech 59oo9an ismichh shlon agdar astw3ib Ina Hatha moo ismich! Magdr wala shay maydish il3agil! I started crying! My heart ached for the fact that he loved every detail about me and Im about to give up on him. I cried for the fact that I'm wasting my time and heart over a guy that I know i'll never be with! I cried that after all this time I'm revealing the true me when I tend to know that this relationship is soon coming to an end! I cried for the selfish, self centered, naive person that Ive become! I cried for misleading the poor guy! I cried for the situation that I put myself in! I cried for hurting him and hurting myself! I cried for everything!

NO post today :(

Unfortunately I cant post today because I have an exam tommorow o I'm not done studying.... inshalla I'll be posting a long one tommorow or the day after!
;*

A Mistake (20)

This one's dedicated to RR ;*

ادري انــــــــــك مـــــن نــصـــــيــــبــي بـل أحــلام وادري انــــــك لــغــيــري لا بــــغـــيت الـــحــقـــيــــــــــــــقه

Deep down I always knew that I would never belong to him but I kept convincing myself that there might be a chance a simple one or there even might be some hope....

3azeez never asked to talk to me on the phone gabil hal mara I think he was being considerate or is it because he knew that I would'nt approve of it well Im not really sure

3azeez: '3alooya

'3alya: 3yoonhaa

3azeez: tslamleee hal 3yoon

'3alya: :$

3azeez: abee as2lich

'3alya: is2al?

3azeez: lay mita bintim chthee?

That's the question that I've been avoiding all the time

'3alya: 3ala shno mafahamt?

3azeez: ya3nii lay mita bintim nitkalam 3al msn

'3alya: madree 3azeez ya3ni inta tadre ina min ilbidaya ana giltlik ina magdar akthar min chthee hatha 7adii mara7 afeeedik ib shay
- o anaa adree ina inta malayt witha matabee tkalmnee anymore ana ra7 atfaham ilmaw'6oo3

I know that what I said hurts but I cant give him more mabee yit2amal o bil nihaya adgira

3azeez: hah '3alooy sh.hal kalam bas la2na mino il7een yd5al msn! tara walla aana mad5al ilaa 3ashanich wila hal sowalif moo malat nas ib 3omerna wallaa tara i7na mo yahal

'3alya: adree ina i7na moo yahal o 3az alla shanik bas wallaa magdar wallaaaa

3azeez: 5ala9 3ala ra7tich ana bas kint bashoof yimkin t'3ayren rayich lana wala this is not fair Im doing all this for you wintay moo ga3da ta36eene wala shay bil mogabil

'3alya: 7aram 3alayk Im sacrificing everything just to talk to you winta tgol inee moo ga3da a36eek shay bil mo8abil!

3azeez: inzain 3ayal warene shaklich!

'3alya: 3azeez shfeek???

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM! kilmaraaa iysawee chtheee lama i give up o eventually do

3azeez: matgdreen tkalmeene bil phone o matabeenee ashofich bil9ij dzeelee 9ortich

'3alya: im sorry bas no

3azeez: shftay agoolich maga3da ta36ene shay bil mo8abil

When he does this he makes me feel bad about myself and he makes me seem unfair.... ilmoshkila inee ga3da a36ee akther minilazimm bas I always fall for what he's saying o I bil nihaya asawee ileee ohwa yabee

'3alya: 5ala9 okay bas 1 pic

3azeez: okkkkk :D basss abeeha wa'67a

'3alya: ok!

I picked one of the blurry pictures so that he wont really recognize my face
بسم الله الذي لا يضر مع اسمه شيء في الأرض ولا في السماء وهو السميع العليم

I kept repeating that in my head and pressed on the send button

A Mistake (19)

يا حظ قلبي يوم يلقاك ادعي الهي لي يخليك

All I could think of is SHIT he found out he found out he found

I went running to my brother ashwana ohwa ilee a9'3ar minee fa he doesn't mind if I took his phone

"Saloom pleaaaseee give me your phone digeega" I was pleeding

"ni6raay 5alashoof wa7id msaweelee add o ga3d iysolif ma3inee ma3arfa" he replyed confused

I freaked out "MINO SHNOO SHGAAL WINTA SHGILT???"

"hah shfeech yanaytay"

'eeeee yalla gooolleeeee'

' sa2alnee hatha mino mobila o giltla ina malee o galee inzain o kan mala chan agola ina mal 7maid o5ooy.... 7ataa galeee oh a3arfaaa hathaa iy9eer rfeeej o5ooy'

I'm busted o ba3ad iy3arif o5oooy ri77tt feeeehhaaaaaa

" delete him"

"lesh masken masawale shay!"

" delete ishlik brabi3 7amood yalla delete"

" mara7 asaweela delete ilwalad ma'6arneee"

I grabbed the phone from his hand and deleted 3azeez quickly

" Shfeech intaaay mooo 9a7yaaa"

"shtabeee feeee waiii3 kilman hab o dab tsaweela add mooo 7ilwaa saloom"

I couldn't think of anything better to tell him

" hmmm 3adil kalamich"

I left sulaimans room and went back to mine.. tithakart inaaa layl7eeen maradayt 3ala 3azeez I kept thinking of a reply and the only thing that I came up with is that I should deny and act normal

ابيك وما ابيهم: hallaa 3azeez laaa a3tigid iniiik '3al6an la2na my phone is still with me o no one is using it yimkin you got mixed up with someone else

Abdulaziz Al x: wallaa bay3ita intay?

ابيك وما ابيهم: laa 3omree mabi3t telephone :p

Abudaziz Al x: '3areeba wallaa

ابيك وما ابيهم : eee 7adaa 7ataa anaa sta'3rabt :s

I think he bought it il7imdilla alla sitar 3alaaay

But the worse is yet to come