A Mistake (22)

The conversations with 3azeez were not the same anymore! China mag9oob iykalmne and I hated it! Ever since I told him my name he never called me by the name! I guess it takes time for him to get used to it! And I'm willing to give him all the time he needs. 3thoob: 3azeez? 3azeez: Hala? 3ithoob: ya3nii lay mta bitim Chthy? Ly mta wana batm ark'6 warak! 3azeez: '3aloooy wala mako shay bas lowyat ildawam! That was it! Once he called me '3alya I felt like a ticking bomb and it was time for me to explode! 3ithoob: shno ismeee? 3azeez: oh sorry walla layl7en mat3awdt 3al ism! 3ithoob: it's been 2 months o layl7een mat3awadt! 2 months winta wala Mara and nadaytny ib ismee! 3azeez anaa ta3abt wallaaa ta3abt ya3nii Ana machathabt ila 3al ism you have to get over it 5ala9! I said everything that was on my mind I couldnt handle shutting up anymore he has to know that he's exaggerating! 3azeez: it's not about the name! 3ithoob: what is it about 3ayal! 3azeez: it's about the trust! Ya3nii m3goola tawch tathigeen feene? 6ol Hal moda wintry t3arfeen 3an kil tafa9eelee wana ma3arf 7ata ismich! Shya'6minlee inch machathabtay 3alay 3an ashya2 thanya! 3ithoob: wala it's not about trust! Law I dont trust chan masshftny lel7en m3ak! I know you have a point bas wala everything you know about me is true! 3azeez: if you trust then give me your phone number! Yaaaaaa alllaaaaahh!!!! Il7eeen shlown wiyah! I can't say no! I gave up! Just by a couple of words from him I gave up.. T3arfoon lama ygolon ga9aw 3alayha ib kilish Hatha kan wa'63y ga9 3alay ib kilmitain o Ana Mthil ilmaynoona 6i3t kalamaa! 3ithoob: ok ######## now t2akadt Ina I trust you! Once i pressed on enter my phone started ringing And a unfamiliar number was calling! I knew it was him so I ignored I was too nervous to answer 1 missed call 3azeez: shfech matrden Ana Ilee ga3d adig 3ithoob: adreee bas ma3arf shagool He called again so I decided to reply "alo" came his manly heart melting voice I couldn't reply my throat was so dry that no words could escape my mouth "hahahahaha shfech matrden " I kept quite! His voice was breathtaking it was so deep I would be satisfied by just listening to him without talking "hah 3thoob akakim nafsee Ana!" " la" was all I could say with my shaky low voice "3ayal shfech sakta" " ma3indee shay agoola" "9owtich 7ilo tadreen" I hung up! I couldn't take it anymore his voice is just killing me and I was too nervous to even talk! He called again but I pressed on the red button to decline the call! 3azeez: shfech! 3ithoob: Magdr atkalm :$ 3azeez: lay Hal daraja 9otey iy2ther feech! 3ithoob: 3an ilthiga baba :p I think that was the only appropriate phone call we had! It was either me calling and he would come up with excuses so that he'd hang up and continue with whatever he was doing! He never called again unless I asked him to! It was as if I'm nothing to him anymore.

A Mistake (21)

I know it's been forever since I last posted and I doubt that anyone is reading but I need to end this story because I'm taking forever to write it! Every detail of this story is true except for the names off coarse it's not my own story but it's a story of someone that I know. Mabeee a6awil akthr mn chthy so enjoy ;* I sent the picture to azeez while my heart was pounding and my palms were sweating! I know that it wasn't the right thing to do but I couldn't handle all the nagging I gave up fast and that's killing me! I can't be giving him everything he asks for it just won't work i'll end up screwed! 3azeez: mo mn9jch '3aloooy kilish moo wa'67a! '3alia: olaaaa 3azeeez kil hathy o mo wa'67a shno adz akthr mn chthee! Lat5alene at7asaf inee dazaytlik! 3azez: 5al9 yoba ya kalma o rdaay mkanch! Again 3adat 3alayh! Bs lay mta, lay mtaaa o a ana batm achathib 3alayh o I keep hiding my identity akeed byey yom o bymil O f3lan that day has came! I felt so guilty I couldn't handle all the bullshit that I was telling him! without even asking me I decided to come clean! And that's when everything kept going downhill in our relationship! I had a feeling deep down that later on i'll regret telling him and that he'll hate me for lying but I just couldn't take it anymore. It was around midnight, I was in my cold bed over thinking what I'm about to do when my fingers started typing on my phones keyboard unconsciously '3alia: 3azeeez! There's something that you need to know! 3azeez: shno? '3alia: you have to promise me that you won't get upset 3azeez: bsmila shfech tra 5ba9teenee!!!! '3alia: you have to promise me first! 3azeez: I promise bs yala t7achay! '3alia: I've lied to you about my name! He stayed quite and I got worried '3alia: 3azeez? 3azeez: knt 7as o mtwa83 min gilteelee matabeene ashofch wlaa ashoof 9warich twa8a3t! '3alia: I'm sorry wala matit9war shkther 6ol ilmoda wana I feel guilty w9alt lay mr7la ily 5ala9 I couldn't take it anymore! 3azeez: 3ayal shno ismichh? '3alia: 3ithoob! 3azeez: 3ithoob? But I fell in love with '3alia! 7abayt kil shay feech 59oo9an ismichh shlon agdar astw3ib Ina Hatha moo ismich! Magdr wala shay maydish il3agil! I started crying! My heart ached for the fact that he loved every detail about me and Im about to give up on him. I cried for the fact that I'm wasting my time and heart over a guy that I know i'll never be with! I cried that after all this time I'm revealing the true me when I tend to know that this relationship is soon coming to an end! I cried for the selfish, self centered, naive person that Ive become! I cried for misleading the poor guy! I cried for the situation that I put myself in! I cried for hurting him and hurting myself! I cried for everything!

NO post today :(

Unfortunately I cant post today because I have an exam tommorow o I'm not done studying.... inshalla I'll be posting a long one tommorow or the day after!
;*

A Mistake (20)

This one's dedicated to RR ;*

ادري انــــــــــك مـــــن نــصـــــيــــبــي بـل أحــلام وادري انــــــك لــغــيــري لا بــــغـــيت الـــحــقـــيــــــــــــــقه

Deep down I always knew that I would never belong to him but I kept convincing myself that there might be a chance a simple one or there even might be some hope....

3azeez never asked to talk to me on the phone gabil hal mara I think he was being considerate or is it because he knew that I would'nt approve of it well Im not really sure

3azeez: '3alooya

'3alya: 3yoonhaa

3azeez: tslamleee hal 3yoon

'3alya: :$

3azeez: abee as2lich

'3alya: is2al?

3azeez: lay mita bintim chthee?

That's the question that I've been avoiding all the time

'3alya: 3ala shno mafahamt?

3azeez: ya3nii lay mita bintim nitkalam 3al msn

'3alya: madree 3azeez ya3ni inta tadre ina min ilbidaya ana giltlik ina magdar akthar min chthee hatha 7adii mara7 afeeedik ib shay
- o anaa adree ina inta malayt witha matabee tkalmnee anymore ana ra7 atfaham ilmaw'6oo3

I know that what I said hurts but I cant give him more mabee yit2amal o bil nihaya adgira

3azeez: hah '3alooy sh.hal kalam bas la2na mino il7een yd5al msn! tara walla aana mad5al ilaa 3ashanich wila hal sowalif moo malat nas ib 3omerna wallaa tara i7na mo yahal

'3alya: adree ina i7na moo yahal o 3az alla shanik bas wallaa magdar wallaaaa

3azeez: 5ala9 3ala ra7tich ana bas kint bashoof yimkin t'3ayren rayich lana wala this is not fair Im doing all this for you wintay moo ga3da ta36eene wala shay bil mogabil

'3alya: 7aram 3alayk Im sacrificing everything just to talk to you winta tgol inee moo ga3da a36eek shay bil mo8abil!

3azeez: inzain 3ayal warene shaklich!

'3alya: 3azeez shfeek???

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH HIM! kilmaraaa iysawee chtheee lama i give up o eventually do

3azeez: matgdreen tkalmeene bil phone o matabeenee ashofich bil9ij dzeelee 9ortich

'3alya: im sorry bas no

3azeez: shftay agoolich maga3da ta36ene shay bil mo8abil

When he does this he makes me feel bad about myself and he makes me seem unfair.... ilmoshkila inee ga3da a36ee akther minilazimm bas I always fall for what he's saying o I bil nihaya asawee ileee ohwa yabee

'3alya: 5ala9 okay bas 1 pic

3azeez: okkkkk :D basss abeeha wa'67a

'3alya: ok!

I picked one of the blurry pictures so that he wont really recognize my face
بسم الله الذي لا يضر مع اسمه شيء في الأرض ولا في السماء وهو السميع العليم

I kept repeating that in my head and pressed on the send button

A Mistake (19)

يا حظ قلبي يوم يلقاك ادعي الهي لي يخليك

All I could think of is SHIT he found out he found out he found

I went running to my brother ashwana ohwa ilee a9'3ar minee fa he doesn't mind if I took his phone

"Saloom pleaaaseee give me your phone digeega" I was pleeding

"ni6raay 5alashoof wa7id msaweelee add o ga3d iysolif ma3inee ma3arfa" he replyed confused

I freaked out "MINO SHNOO SHGAAL WINTA SHGILT???"

"hah shfeech yanaytay"

'eeeee yalla gooolleeeee'

' sa2alnee hatha mino mobila o giltla ina malee o galee inzain o kan mala chan agola ina mal 7maid o5ooy.... 7ataa galeee oh a3arfaaa hathaa iy9eer rfeeej o5ooy'

I'm busted o ba3ad iy3arif o5oooy ri77tt feeeehhaaaaaa

" delete him"

"lesh masken masawale shay!"

" delete ishlik brabi3 7amood yalla delete"

" mara7 asaweela delete ilwalad ma'6arneee"

I grabbed the phone from his hand and deleted 3azeez quickly

" Shfeech intaaay mooo 9a7yaaa"

"shtabeee feeee waiii3 kilman hab o dab tsaweela add mooo 7ilwaa saloom"

I couldn't think of anything better to tell him

" hmmm 3adil kalamich"

I left sulaimans room and went back to mine.. tithakart inaaa layl7eeen maradayt 3ala 3azeez I kept thinking of a reply and the only thing that I came up with is that I should deny and act normal

ابيك وما ابيهم: hallaa 3azeez laaa a3tigid iniiik '3al6an la2na my phone is still with me o no one is using it yimkin you got mixed up with someone else

Abdulaziz Al x: wallaa bay3ita intay?

ابيك وما ابيهم: laa 3omree mabi3t telephone :p

Abudaziz Al x: '3areeba wallaa

ابيك وما ابيهم : eee 7adaa 7ataa anaa sta'3rabt :s

I think he bought it il7imdilla alla sitar 3alaaay

But the worse is yet to come

A Mistake (18)

I know it has been forever since I last posted I wanted to continue the story but I had alot of things going on


I hope that by the end of this month I can end it and then go back to finishing the end of the road I hope that you're still interested


Im sorry again and here goes a long post





أصبر ياقلبي وانتظر خل الحزن مكتوم
كل المعاني تغيرت واتضحت الصوره
صار الصدق في هالزمن مثل الوفا معدوم
ونفوسنا تجرحت والفرحه مكسوره
كل المبدىء تنشرى واللي معاه يسوم
حتى المشاعر ارخصت والكلمه مهدوره

3azeez and I have never been this close it's insane talking to him was a must!!! If I don't then he knows that something must be wrong.

I've never been this happy my whole life even though it was just msn I knew that he cared about me!

Every time he talks to me I have this wide goofy smile on my face and my knees get numb that I cant stand up for a long time and I get this weird feeling in my stomache you know the feeling that ur deeply and madly in love?

I've abandoned everyone... everytime I go to our usual thursday gathering my focus is only on the phone and nothing but the phone my aunts and grandmother iyg6oon na'3zat bas wain ilee ysma3....

Whenever I'm out with my friends they keep on complaining because I dont pay them any attention
The problem is that its not just me 7ata 3azeez! ohwa magam iy7ib y6la3 o kilaa mjablnee wiysowlif ma3ay I cant help it

I know what I'm saying is nonsense because ana bas ga3da akalma 3al msn and to many people msn relationships don't count because its just a fling but to us it wasn't anything like that we were dead serious

I fell for this guy even though I regret it sometimes because I know that I'll end up hurting him and hurting myself but I just cant get enough of him

kil yom ykbar ib 3aini akthat min ilee gabla
He got to know me even more lately the only thing that I cant tell him is my name! I don't know why bas manee gadra agoola isme...

shay ib 3agle ga3d iygole latgolenla ya 3thob tara bt7asifayn o shay ib galbe iygole goolela tara mayistahil inich itchathbeen 3alayh

This time I followed my mind and not my heart lets see where would it lead me

I was up at night talking to zeez and lets see what happened

'3alia: laa yal na7eeees wallaa inta tadree inee magdar ashoofik

3azeez: eee lesh ana abeech ti8ni3eenee

'3alia: la2na anaa kila a6la3 wiya omee o shlown ashofik itha ana ma3aha

3azeez: shda3wa '3alooy ana shbasawee bas bashofich o bamshee manee maklich

'3alia: inshalla babe ashoof itha gdart wagoolik :*

3azeez: 7ayaty intaay inzain add me on bbm

shfeeeh ilyoom madreee laysh m3alig ilaaa yabeee asawee shay that he knows I cant do

'3alia: 3azzeeezaan ana shnoo gilt gabil magdar

3azeez: shnoo intay kil magiltlich shay tgolenle magdar yala add mee
-pin:*******

'3alia: 3azeez please walla magar law 5wanee wila omee iyshofonk tadre shiy9eer feenee

3azeez: lock your phone o change my name save me as nora 3aysha ay shay bas akoon 3indich o ana mara7 a7i6 9waree tara walla ma9a5naha o gazarnaha 3ala hal msn ma9arraat '3alooy

'3alia: inzain shlfarg bain msn o bbm mala da333ee ya3nii thnaynhom nafs ilshay

3azeez: laa '3aiir bbm agdar a7a9lich 6ol ilwagt moo nafs msn wayed t9eren offline yalla 3ad latrideenee

Madre laysh bas I was hesitant I had a very bad feeling about this bas I decided to not let him down once again

'3alia: okk 3ashanik bas

3azeez: 7aaaaaaaaaaayyyyaaaattyyyy intaaay yallaa na6er

'3alia: hehehehe okkk waiit

I had to change my bbm name 3ashan maystaw3ib...I changed it into a song adree halaga bas shasawee '3aliaa o 3ithoob were very different 7ata law ba7i6 nickname my friends and family byshikoon bilwa'63
I even removed my dp so that he couldnt get any idea about who I really am
My hands were shaking the whole time that I was typing his name chna eedee ga3da tgoolee latsaweenla add ya 3thoob taraa bt7asifayn bas samayt bilra7man o ta3awtht min iblees o I added him
He was the firt guy that I have added to bbm '3air 5wane o my cousins 6ab3an I always had this rule ina bbm was to be private and to the people that are really close and for now 3azeez is like the closest person to me fa ohwa kisar 8a3idat ina makoo shabab ib bbm

invite contact
invite by sending a PIN or email messages
to: *******
request sent

I checked my recent updates and
Abulaziz Al x is a new contact has appeared

Abdulaziz Al x: hallaaa o '3allaaa taww manawarr ba7laaa o a'3laaa '3alooyaa

ابيك وما ابيهم: mnaaweer feeek yal '3alyy

Abdulaziz Al x: ya3niii ana '3alyy?

ابيك وما ابيهم: o min '3airiik '3alyy

Abdulaziz Al x: laaa intaaay chthee btithbi7eenee

ابيك وما ابيهم: smilaa 3alaykkk 5alaa9 magoolik chthee 3ayal

Abdulaziz Al x: laaa goolaaay gooolaaay a7laaa thab7aa hatheee

ابيك وما ابيهم: hehehehehe :$

We forgot about msn and we turned to bbm,
but the only problem was that bbm was even more distracting than msn

a month has passed and I talked to 3azeez on bbm bas faj2a my blackberry 5tarab o i decided to move to an iphone magdart amsa7 3azeez cuz kan lazim asawee format 7ag il blackberry bas radayt 3ala msn o ohwa tifaham ilmaw'6oo3

madree sh6aree 3layh bas o5ooy sa2lnee itha my BB works o giltla ina faj2a 5tarab 3alay o gal ohwa biysaweela format o ya5tha 7aga
I didnt mind because he had to format it so all the contacts will get deleted o ana mt2akda ina mara7 y6la3la 3azeez again because ana gayla 7ag 3azeez ina mobili 5tarab o chthee

after a few weeks

3azeez: '3alooooooyyy

'3alya: halaa 3azeezan

3azeez: ana bas2lich your blackberry intay m'3ayrta?

'3alya: la mast5dma ana m7awla iphone laysh?

3azeez: la2na tawnee kint da bc o 6ala3lee ur name o itha you want to re-invite so I did o 6ala3lee wa7id ga3d iykalmneee isma Sulaiman Alx t3arfeeenaa

SHHHIITTTTT!!!!!!!!!!

A Mistake (17)

3azeez: titzawijaynee?

my stomache started to ache I felt nautious my hands were shaking I was shocked! I never expected him to even bring up this topic ya3nii what would I tell him I've been lying to him the whole time!!!

'3alia: 3azeeez it's too soon mosta7eel my parents would let me get married at this age bas inshalla in the future laysh la2

3azeez: inshallaaa I cant waiiiit

3azeez came from a very different background than I did, He was from an average family while I was froom a good well known wealthy family, In my families point of view there is no way that I would marry him from the difference of the family names. ana moo ga3da agool ina fee farg o i hope ina matwa5thoonee bas feee farg bil 3awayil o hal ashya2 ma3ina ana mashoof lah da3ee cuz we're all humans o mafee farg bain ilnas bas ana mit2akda malyown bil imya ina ahaleee would not approve of him.

'3alia: :$

3azeez: o inyeeeeb yahaal yishbihooonich chthee 7ilweeen

'3alia: wishdaraaak ineee 7ilwaa yimkin akoon jaikaraaa!

3azeez: laaa laa ana mit2akid inich 7ilwaaaa

'3alia: baaas taraaa ga3daa asti7eeeee :$:$:$

3azeez: ya7ilooo ileee ysti7oon wallaaaa

'3alia: 3azeeezaan abeeeee bint o5ook yeebleeee iyahaaa

3azeez: ana wiyach nyeeb nafs,ha o a7laa minhaa

'3alia: laaa aanaa abee il7een a5th.haa dig 3ala o5oook o gooola ineee abeeha

3azeez: laaa adig hal 7aza may9eer!

'3alia: haw laysh may9eer 3adii o5ook

3azeez: laa ohwaaa mitzawij o matadreen hal 7aza my9eer adig

'3alia: :s madree shno ya3nii 3adii

3azeez: ya3nii hal 7azaa ohwa o mortaa iysawoon ashya2 t3arfeen what married couples doo!

I felt sooo stupid makinttt fahmaa o lamaa galeee 7asayt naffsee '3abiyaaa!

'3alia: bas now ilfayer!

3azeez: eeee 3adii kayfhom ay wagt 7ata il9ib7 itha yaboon kayfhom!

'3alia: olaa shnoo il9b777

3azeez: eee ya3nii ana wiyaach when we get married il9ib7 il'6her il3a9er bilayl 6oool ilwagttt

That was unexpected 7adiii ista7aytttt ya3nii matwa8a3t ina we'd be discussing this subject

'3alia: olaaaa olaaaaa olaaaa laaa:$

3azeez: imbalaa mortee o kayfeeeeeee

'3aliaa: o ham anaaa kayfeeee

3azeez: laaa moo kayfiichhh mitaa ma abee we'll doo itt

'3alia: okkk okkk kayffik bas plzz let's colseee the subject tara ast7ee atkalam 3an hal ashya2!

3azeez: walla I love how inoccent you are :*

'3alia: :$

3azeez: yallaa bass namaay 7abeebti bacher ra7 tit3ibeen

'3alia: 5ala9 inshalla t9ba7 3ala 5air :*

3azeez: wintay min ahlaaa :*

....................................................

a random convo I have with 3azeez saved on my phonee that I really love

I love calling him 3abdil3azeez bas ohwa may7ib iy7is inaaa lazim akoon serious wila m3a9ba 3ashan I call him that name walla iy'6a7ik

'3alia: yalla annaa laziiim anaaaam il7een cuzz wayyyeed t2a5ar ilwagt ooo adree mat7ib I call you 3abdil3azeez bas 7iloo walla a7laa min 3azeez fa think about it :p

3azeez: LOOOOOOOOL okk 7abeebtii ;**

'3alia: tadre ina awal mara tgole 7abeebti :$

3azeez: 9ijjjj?

'3alia: ee :$

3azeez: you like it?

'3alia: yup :$

3azeez: ok 7abebti

'3alia; hehehehe yalla ti9ba7 3ala 5air

3azeez: wenty min ahla 7bibti ;*******
-ba5aleech tizhigeen minha ;p

'3alia: looooooool matwa8a3 azhaag :$

3azeez: LOOOOOOOL
-yalla 7bibti namay warach ga3da ;*

'3alia: yalla bas ush 5alnee anaaam

3azeez: ok 7bibti ;****************

....................................